...Get out of my head!

Sunday, December 10, 2006

Echo Beach, Far Away in Time...

Is it socially wrong and a bit sad to go on holiday on your own?

Discuss...

Saturday, December 02, 2006

The Idiot Box

For those of you not familiar with this website, I would highly recommend that you aquaint yourself.

I was checking through my blog a couple of days ago, and rediscovered TVgoHome, a website dedicated to lampooning the soul-lessness of TV.

Here are my recommendations for new TV projects.

5:30pm

Carol Vordermans Riverbank Suduko Debt Buster


Having drained every ounce of TV coverage with her soul-less consolodation loan-fests, Countdown favourite Carol Vorderman takes to the riverbank to offer financial advice to needy wildlife.

Interspersed with flashing images of high level Suduko challenges, this interactive docu-quiz showcases the wrinkle faced number lover in a "tough love" approach to animal debt.

This week: Carol patronises an otter who has overstretched his budget.

7pm

Extreme Clock Winding with Frank Spencer


Hillarious fly on the wall situational comedy in which clumsy effeminate man-child Frank Spencer attempts to keep a variety of timepieces in motion against the backdrop of a disfunctional family.

This week: Frank desperately tries to restart an antique pocket watch in a flooded bathroom. At gunpoint.

9pm

Celebrity Mismanagement Theatre.


Controversial biopic of every day management situations, handled badly in the style of a classical play.

This week: Ainsley Harriot plays an outraged Hamlet after his racism grievance is dismissed by a curt and disinterested Robbie Coltrane. Things take a turn for the worse when shop steward, Rowan Atkinson attempts to cool the situation with a monologue of the script from "Zulu".

Contains strong language.


10pm

Retiscent Finger Point Accusation Overload.


Hard hitting chat show in which guests slowly get drunk and angry before challenging host Sir Ben Kingsleys questioning without provocation.

Audience participation adds a new slant to the genre where audience members gamble for big prizes on who cracks first.

This week: Jimmy Tarbuck asks "Are you calling me a queer?"

Wednesday, November 29, 2006

If dating ad's were honest...

...They'd probably look like this.

Moody, past-obsessed middle manager seeks brunette for interesting conversation.

Well, I say interesting conversation, it'll be mostly me, talking about myself and how I never really got over my ex-fiancee.

Ideal candidate will be patient and a good listener. Ability to continuously encourage me to do better while I slowly pour away my talent into the endless sewer of mid-life emptiness is essential.

I have an interest in popular culture and someone with a similar interest would be desirable - either that or you can fuck off and watch Hollyoaks while I crack one off to amateur porn on the internet, seething silently at the dismally tepid pool of apathy that constitutes our sex life.

High maintenance? Don't worry, I'll treat you like a princess - For about three months until I realise I'm not really that interested in you and end up trying to crack onto your best mate while telling you that "you look fine".

By the way - "You look fine" doesn't mean that at all, it means you're probably a bit overweight and I just can't be arsed getting into an arguement about it. Deal with it or stop eating pies.

Applicants should have no desire to renovate a bathroom/kitchen or hallway and should accept that IKEA is not for blokes. I mean seriously, what the fuck are those bags all about anyway? I could build a house *in* them.

I have a keen interest in online gaming and applicants should be willing to listen to me endlessly bang on about "levelling up" my level 51 Warlock, when I could be doing something more constructive, like actually remembering your birthday.

Pre-requisites must include a love of all my favourite films and a mother who will invariably tell you "you could have done better" while her barely concealed disappointment presses into your soul.

GSOH optional - must have own poker set.

(Please send photo of poker set).

Saturday, October 28, 2006

David's Alive!!???



I've had a pretty crappy last couple of weeks. Work is doing my head in, I've been full of cold and in about six weeks I might not have a job.

I haven't seen much of my mates, because they've been working and I continue to get screwed over by the rubbish poker software at ladbrokes (but I appreciate thats my fault for continuing to play).

Anyway, I finish work yesterday and meet one of the lads for a couple of pints in Revolution. We go our seperate ways and I decide that instead of getting the bus I'm going to go to the train station, have a pint in the station and then get the train home.

One pint later and I go to check the train times, all delayed - great. More rubbish luck. I decide to mosey into the resident WHSmiths in the station and pick up the latest Nick Hornby book. Off I trot to the other pub in Leeds station (the more expensive one, where you actually have a chance of sitting down).

Five minutes into reading my book with a pint and some random bird sits down with a fag and several bags. We strike up conversation and we do the whole "Where do you work, how old are you, where do you live?" type conversation.

An hour later we're still sat in the pub chatting away, when, revelations of revelations she asks me whether I've seen "Flash Gordon". Anyone who has known me for longer than about 20 seconds, will know that I have indeed seen "Gordon" and that he is very much "ALIVE!"

She then goes on to ask me whether I know who Brian Blessed is... of course I do.

Turns out, she's his cousin.

Brilliant.

Nice girl, very tall. Plays poker too.

Will be emailing her on Monday.

How random? It's about time Nick Hornby did something good for my life :)

- Dave out.

Tuesday, September 19, 2006

The Machinist - A Review by DG

During the opening scene of The Machinist, two things become apparent very quickly. Firstly, its lead actor, Christian Bale is a long way away from the well-built healthy appearance he showcases in both “Batman Begins” and “Equilibrium”. Having lost 40lbs (Just under three stone) for the role, Bale looks a sad skeleton of a man, haunted, broken and unwell.

As the camera pans out around Bale’s sunken and battered features, taking in a pitch-black coastline and a deserted nightscape, the second more alarming aspect of the scene is revealed. Bales character Trevor Reznik appears to be frantically trying to edge a corpse, rolled in carpet, off the edge of a cliff.

As openers go, this obviously poses more than a few questions to the viewer (Who is this guy? Who’s in the carpet? How did they both get there?), and this trend continues from beginning to end with twists intertwined throughout the films complicated plotline.

On the surface, Trevor Reznik has a reasonably basic, if not slightly unusual life. He lives on his own, he pays his rent on time and he works as a machinist in an industrial factory for an unappreciative and unpleasant foreman.

However, despite the exterior normality of Trevor’s routine several things quickly indicate that all is not well in his life. Trevor cannot sleep and has not slept in quite some time. He spends most of his time, scrubbing both his hands and bathroom floor with litres of bleach. Significantly, Trevor’s only human interaction outside of his day job is with a pretty but downtrodden prostitute (Jennifer Jason Leigh).

As Reznik’s insomnia begins to take its toll on his mental state as well as the more than apparent punishment that is echoed in his gaunt reflection, things take a definite turn for the worse. Trevor’s mind starts to become unravelled and his grip on reality is tested when a mysterious and obnoxious stranger named Ivan (John Sharian) seems to be deliberately making his life difficult.

The pace of the film is rapid and does not hold back on throwing key plot elements into the mix right from the outset. Because of its frenetic energy and relentless need for attention, this outing by director Brad Anderson (Largely unknown prior to this project, having being mainly involved in TV work) will test most peoples ability to take in all it has to offer in one sitting.

What sets this film apart from other titles I’ve watched this year is the sheer quality of both its acting and its direction. Bale is utterly convincing as Reznik and draws you effortlessly into his deranged world of uncertainty as it begins to crumble around him. An excellent supporting cast only works to strengthen the impact of the characters further with Jennifer Jason Leigh playing the tart with a heart to perfection.

Anderson’s direction is deliberately basic (most of the film takes place in a handful of locations) but is utterly engrossing and proves to be a grounded but emotionally involving nerve shredder.

For those of you who enjoy tense, dark and overall entertaining thrillers, this film comes highly recommended and is guaranteed to keep you thinking as the credits roll.

For those of you who like your films straightforward enough to be able to watch over a chinese while you decide what to do at the weekend, this probably isn’t for you.

Overall rating: 4.5/5 (Because its initial complexity may put some people off).

One-minute summary: Great film, Great script, Great twists. This will have you coming back for a second and third viewing, just so you can stop trying to figure out what the hell actually happened.

You will like this film if you liked: Fight Club, Memento, Usual Suspects.

You will not like this film if: You thought Bambi was complicated, have a low tolerance for plot twists, are about to roll someone into a carpet.

Monday, July 31, 2006

First update in a month...

....And its about fantasy football again.

This time we're back on the Metro website.

Go here

Set up a team.

Enter league pin 927.

Enjoy.

- Dave out.

Monday, July 03, 2006

Lightsabre related coolness

I found this on MySpace, and even though its really geeky if you're not actually a geek (like me), I implore you to give it a watch. It's pretty well made.

If you are a geek, you've probably clicked the link already :)

- Dave out.

Tuesday, June 27, 2006

England Vs Ecuador - In Pictures













I was going to do captions, but I don't have time. Maybe it would be funnier if I left it in the hands of the blogging public...

BTW - Beckham won me 60 quid (40 quid profit) - Good lad!

Sunday, June 18, 2006

Week Off State of Mind

So I'm half way through my week off which I've booked from work to chill out and enjoy the England matches. I wish I could say I have enjoyed them but they've been frustrating and in the case of the Tobago match, almost heart stopping at some points.

So, nothing much else to report out of the norm, been playing and hugely enjoying Resident Evil 4 on the PS2 (Cheers Shel), which was unexpected for me as I hated the original series with its "quarter turn" movement system and "twelve million key" puzzle-fest. The new game is a lot more fluid with its movement and is reminisent of Parasite Eve if you've played that on the PS2 (If you haven't, give it a look, its good). So far I've evaded crazed villagers with pitchforks and chainsaws and killed some dude that had a penchant for choking.

Basically, its a night at the bottom of Kirkgate, Wakefield.

In other news, I've been playing a lot of poker and I'm getting pretty good, to the point where I've been teaching other people to play. I enjoy teaching people stuff so its nice when they pick it up. It's a nice nod towards my ability to teach. Except when you teach your housemate and they beat you and take a fiver off you (I was very drunk though!). Been playing a lot of low stake tournies for practice and enjoyed taking $35 off my mates at work the other day online.

So... week so far then, finished work on Wednesday night after an incredibly busy week, watched the footy on Thursday with Burt and Mike and, in all fairness, should have pulled a great looking brunette, but basically I was too slack and rued my inaction immediately afterwards (what can I say - I was in football mode).

Friday saw me foolishly kicking a ball about in the park with Burt and Mike which frankly was a bit of an eye opener on the fitness level scheme of things, but, curiously I seem to have go better at crossing a football without even playing. Very odd.

Saturday was a bit of a quiet one, went to get my hair chopped, then met Mum to sort the joy of fathers day presents out, then walked the dog (an actual dog - not a yoyo trick for all you 80's kids), came home and played on the PC until sleep time. Beer free day after the footy.

Today - I've discovered the joy of Winamp's music feed. There's loads of music videos you can stream down free of charge, so I've just been listening to the live version of Billy Joels "Piano Man", with video, pint in hand (why does beer taste better out of a glass than a can?) singing along whilst playing poker. Hows that for multi-tasking? :)

Apart from the England game on Tuesday I've got nothing else planned except a brief excursion tomorrow to sort out a software install. Did think briefly today about escaping for the day seens though I now have my VISA back, but then it pissed it down and I changed my mind.

All in all, its been a pretty chilled out week, and there's still three days to go.

Gotta love paid holiday.

- Dave out.

P.S - I fucking hate wireless mice.

Friday, June 02, 2006

Fast!

Just booted up and connected to the internet, current speed connection - 7.8mps.

I guess that means I finally got my 8Mb LLU upgrade.

WOOT!

- Dave out.

Thursday, May 18, 2006

And so it begins...

Channel 4 World Cup Fantasy League is set up.

Go here to set up your team, then enter league number: 678

See you at the party Richtor!

- Dave out

Monday, May 01, 2006

Back to Basics

I forgot how addictive jigsaws can be, particularly when they're in 3D (yes you have to build the sides and the top) and they're in the shape of a famous diminutive Star Wars Droid (Mission? What Mission?).

However, I also forgot that I don't have a lot of staying power when it comes to any given task and I flit between activities to stay interested.

Needless to say my bedroom floor is now covered in foam pieces.

I'll get it done though and post a picture on here to prove it!

Dave.

All Too Easy...

So I bought Paul's PS2 at the weekend and went to Game to pick up a couple of titles on pre-owned.

I bought Star Wars Episode III as I'm a big fan of the series and it looked like a good laugh. Within 15 hours I've completed the game.

I'm not sure how developers of games can justify charging 40 quid (which this was when it was released) for a game that is going to entertain someone for less than a day. Don't get the me wrong, the game itself is quite entertaining and visually is pretty sharp (Burt - you get to kill Mace Windu and kick him through a window). There are also various challenge missions which you can unlock, which I'll probably go back and do at some point later.

I would definitely have been disappointed if I'd paid full whack for this. Even if the end battle between Obi and Anakin is fucking tense (and you get to play both sides!).

So - Today is World of Warcraft day. I've got food in the house and a few tins in the fridge so I'm going to take it easy. The rest of the bank holiday weekend (which I started at some point mid-week last week!) has been spent drinking ridiculous amounts of beer at ridiculous times of the day.

Tomorrow I'm off to see my family.

Hurray!

- Dave out.

Thursday, April 27, 2006

Silent Hill: A Review

Ok, so lets try and be objective, get this written down while its still fresh in my mind, then have a few cans, play a few hands of poker and go to sleep.

So, I'd heard from various sources that "Silent Hill" wasn't going to be a very good film and therefore I went into this showing with little expectation. I was never a fan of the Silent Hill game and in the broad spectrum of movies "Survival Horror" is never going to make my top five.

However, all things being equal I decided to give it a chance.

The film kicks off straight into fleshing out the main characters of a little girl and her parents who are struggling with the girls sleepwalking and strange behaviour. The scene is set and it quickly becomes evident that the mother and daughter have to head to Silent Hill to cure the sleepwalking - Fair enough.

The pace of the film is fairly rapid in its first half, quickly establishing an end goal (Find Daughter - get the fuck out of Silent Hill) and the set design and cinematography is absolutely spot as the mother moves further into the mysterious town. However, where the film starts to fall down (for me) is in too many key areas; character development is minimal and the belivability of some of the cast is a struggle.

If you've ever played any game on the PS2 where you're trapped into a mansion/ghost town/sunken ship/secret laboratory, you'll get an impression of many of the main action sequences where the lead character is being chased into a tight corner by ridiculous mutant creatures who's creation and purpose is never fully explained during the films plot (but - which is, I've reliably informed, developed in detail in the various Silent Hill games). It's this kind of omission which left me (and anyone who hasn't played the games I presume) confused as to why these odd creatures even existed, not to mention what their obvious beef was with the films leading heroine.

At one point mid-film the lead character picks up a knife and I half expected for a dialogue to pop up on the screen saying "Rose has found [Carving Knife], would you like to equip [Carving Knife]? YES/NO." whether that is testiment to the films ability to capture the feel of its console based parent, or whether it is a telling sign of the films almost computer generated appearance in parts is something that you will need to decide for yourself.

As the film progresses we're treated to a brief back story about Silent Hill and events escalate into a frenzy of gore and bizarrely barbed wire which seems to be trying to be gory for the sake of gore itself. Also, at one point, there is a very very odd fight scene which seems inspired by a Daft Punk dance sequence.

All in all, I thought the film was relatively poor, but, discounting the fact that I'm not a fan of the genre and am not a follower of the original game, this isn't to say that it doesn't have something to offer for those of you who carry a candle (or, more appropriately [A Lighter]) for movies of this type.

Also, despite the fact that I was bored for the majority of the nearly two hour sitting, I was pleased that the films producers didn't cop out with an easy ending and added a small, but clever twist. Added to that, even the most cynical viewer will probably be a little more tense when walking through a quiet town in the dead of night, largely down to the excellent set design and cinematography which does set this film apart from lesser console adaptations (Resident Evil to name but one).

To summarise, if you like films where a largely alone unlikely "hero" survives supernatural menace for two hours whilst mainly screaming and running away, this is probably for you.

If you don't, I'd stay at home.

- Dave out.

Tuesday, April 25, 2006

I should not drink, and bake.

I think I'm going to sack Monday night Karaoke off, I just end up depressed (and inevitably hungover).

Whats the point?

- Dave out.